Lies

when will they stop?

you tell me i need to trust you.

you tell me i can trust you.

prove it.

Doubt

i never really fully understand my emotions. one second i am on the top of the world. and the next it seems like im in the lowest vallies. i have all the hope in the world and the next second a cloud of doubt covers all that hope i had. i have no idea what to think.

i need to get over the past. things that have happened. words ive said. things ive done. they are yesterday's news. i cant change them i cant change anything except today. i can only change me. i pray that the lord gives me the strength to keep my eyes forward. focusing on the past is doing nothing but holding me back from the joy of the future.

i dont know what is going to happen. i only have hope. i hope in the lord. he knows the desires of my heart. he knows them better than i do. i will delight in him. always. the lord blesses people who has a heart on fire for him. my heart is burning for him. i have just been so focused on myself.

i need to stop thinking about myself all the time. it is getting me no where. i just want him to love me back. i know he does. i know that he loves me back. he is just hesitant to show it. i dont really blame him. he wasnt hesitant to show her. but that is the past. LOOK FORWARD.

i pray that the doubt in my heart be replaced with truth and hope. i want to happy again. i am having fun but there is a difference between having fun and being happy.

Fix

Starting Over

I hope you mean it when you say it.
i want to believe the words that you say. they are perfect. maybe too perfect.
everything we had is no longer.
we have to start over.
its the only place that makes any sense.
are you saying this to her too?
what to you say to her?
what do you want?
is this what you want?
am I what you want?
this doesnt have to be difficult, but sometimes it seems like you are making it that way.

Starting Over

i want your trust so you can have mine. i want honesty. i want truth. even if it hurts.
i hope i am not a pawn in your game. i dont want that. i never wanted that.
i never wanted this.
but when life hands you lemons you make lemonade.
you know how i feel, you always have. i just wish i knew your heart. i thought i did.

your voice excites me. this will be a challenge. it is already for me. i want to jump into it. but we cant. it wont work that way.

i hope you are serious. more serious than a heart attack.

you consume me.

confuse me.

excite me.

i dont know what to do. i dont want to set myself up for more heartache. but i im afraid if i dont take this risk i will miss out on something so much bigger than i thought. i am torn.

everyone has their opionions and ideas about what should happen. how to they know what is right for us? we know what is right for us. we have from the beginning.

i am strong. patient. compassionate. we are strong.i want the best for both of us.

we can do this. our love is strong. committ and go. let go and hold on because we're in for one heck of a ride.

this will be good. this will be great. this will be big.

i am hopeful.

which may mean im stupid.

but i am not stupid because i love.

i know you are sorry. i forgave you along time ago. so.

lets start over.