HAIR

i cut my hair.

it is a change.

change is good.
i donated it. i made a promise.
someone will be happy.
that is good.

god is good.

peace USA

peace is the word of the day. i am so busy with finals and papers and spanish but i sit alone with a peaceful spirit. god has given me so much confidence, something that i have been lacking. i am confident with all the decisions that i have made most importantly...

I AM GOING BACK TO CENTRAL COLLEGE

and i couldnt be more excited about it. well, i am going to miss being with joe everday but i trust in us and the relationship we have built together. this will be good.

thanksgiving was good. it was awesome to see my mom. she is so amazing. i am blessed to have a mom that cares so much. i wasnt as thankful during thanksgiving as i should have been. i was probably more angry than anything. sometimes when the family gets together we spend more time butting heads than embracing each other. we have another chance during christmas, i pray that god will take my anger and make it love, everytime i start to feel angry i will stop and love him.

things with joe and i are really good. sometimes i just look at him and i know that i am luckiest girl in the world. he is so loving and gentle and he takes such good care of me. he is the man i prayed for. my one and only sometime.

well, i suppose i should get back to all my work. god is good all the time. alleluiah.

i am miserable. i am so incredibly miserable. i dont like grand view that is true but that is not the only thing that is making me so miserable. i just let people get to me. i let people make me feel stupid and insecure about myself. i used to be so confident in myself and my abilities but now my confidence is lacking. i dont know how i let this happen. i think i get easily intimidated with people who appear to know more than i do. but now i am starting to get the feeling that they dont really know more than i do. they just are really good at faking it.
i am just so sad...ALL OF THE TIME. it is a constant emotion. i have never felt this way ever in my life. it is confusing because there is no reason for me to be so upset.so i have no idea what to do about that either.
i have no idea what to do with my life. i dont know what to study or even where to go to school at. i have idea what to major in, i just dont have any outstanding abilites that stick out. i am not good at math, science, english...you name it.
i do have a passion for spanish and for the culture. i have a passion for god, and for people. i want to discover my purpose. there is more to life then this. i just know it.
i know that whatever is tossed my way i will pray about and i will be moved to do what is right for me. i have hope for the future.

i do not like grand view college. and that is okay. i am entitled to those feelings. i just dont know why it is so hard for me to comprehend or why it is so hard for me just to accept the fact that i am not a failure but grand view has failed in the expectations i had for it. i DO NOT want to be here next semester. so where do i go? that is a very good question. i have not a clue. i have re-applied to central and i have applied to luther. the sky is the limit really. i have no idea where this next chapter in my life is going to unfold. so i am praying for direction. because it will be good. god is good all of the time and he knows my plans and my purpose. it just bums me out being sad all the time :( . i am loved.