hope

hope it is all that i have. it is so hard for me to believe that i even have hope. i have never been in such a sad, lonely place and yet i still have hope in my heart. i know that there are things we should have done differently. but now we know, i know. i know that i have hope for whatever the future holds.
what we have is so special, you cant deny that, but you tell me it just cant be like that right now. and i have to understand that. i do understand that. i just dont want it to be like this forever.
now i spend my time in prayer and in the word finding hope and feeling loved and that connection that my heart has been crying out for to be close to the lord. my soul is being watered, and yet my heart still hurts.
over the past couple of months i have really let a lot of crap come into my heart, and i know that now. i pray for all that crap to be torn down to be thrown far away. that crap is gone and a new creation is beginning to form. i am starting to see the light at the end of this incredibly dark lonley tunnel.