heartache

joe told me yesterday that he doesnt want to be with me anymore

he doesnt want me to be his girlfriend

he doesnt want me to be his wife.

but we will still be best friends

i just love him so much and i never wanted to loose him. i never wanted him to not be in my life. i have just imagined my life being with him. i can see us growing old together and having children together. i can see that and that is what i want.

but it isnt what he wants. i dont know what he wants. but it is not me.

my heart is in so much pain. i am sick. my heart is sick. i am making myself physically sick.
i just keep praying for peace. peace that only i can find by resting in the fathers love. i would do anything to change what happened. but there is nothing i can do. i have never felt so horrible in all of my life. i think about all the fun things that we have done in our relationship and all the stuff we planned on doing together.

peace is what i need this christmas. even if joe doesnt love me, god looks at me with favor. i will find peace in that.