commitment

i have been thinking a lot about commitment lately.

i have been thinking about how committed i am to lots of things but i don't feel very committed to myself.

what i mean by that is i have always been one to carry out my word. if i say im going to do something i do it. at my past jobs i never missed a day of work. i always turned in homework assignments in completed and on time because that was expected of me. i have been committed to my husband for almost 5 years.

but i haven't been very committed to the desires of my heart and to my self. i dont take care of myself like i should. i know longer partake in the activities that i once enjoyed such as painting and dancing. i have just let life get in the way of my true authentic self. i know that with some dedication i can re-commit myself to myself. with baby steps i know i can reclaim the desires of my heart. that is my hope for this spring.

i pray as the world is growing and starting anew, that i will too.

Bloom

Since Joe and I have moved to Minneapolis we have been attending a church called All God's Children Metropolitan Community Church. It is an amazing spirit filled place and I have fallen in love with.

Each Sunday we have communion, which is a reminded to me of the sacrifice that was made for me to remember that when Jesus was on the cross I was on His mind. After the communion server gives you communion they say a blessing for you. On Sunday, Joe and I were able to take communion together, which doesn't happen very often since Joe is usually playing music, but Dan our communion server said a blessing for Joe and I and he said "may you bloom with the radiance of all the flowers on the earth." I thought those were such powerful words.

I do want to bloom with the radiance of all the flowers on the earth. I feel that I have been in a time of growth and learning and now I feel as though I am ready and prepared to bloom. To move on to the next thing, but always remembering who I am and to whom I belong.

Fearless

I have come to realize that I have been letting fear dictate my life.

I am scared about not getting a job and not being successful.

I am terrified to let the ones I love down.

I am scared that everything I have worked for has been for nothing.

I am scared that I am not living up to my full potential.

I am been so scared about starting new parts of my life that I have been in a really awful spot. In an in-between spot. I don't like in-between parts. I also feel as I have been going through this job search that I am not good enough. I have so many friends from school who are really making for themselves. I just don't feel like I will ever have that same sort of success.

I have been praying for God to release this fear in my heart. I don't want to miss out on what God has in store for me because I am too afraid to step out of the boat.

I need to cast my cares, worries and anxieties on Him because he cares for me. He wants me to succeed! I know that there are good things in store for me. I need to prepare my heart and spirit so I can accept these changes.

I trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I will not rely on the things I THINK I know.

I know I may not have a very impressive resume, but I do know that I am loved, adored and chosen by the creator of the universe. That is what I am. A job will just be what I do.

I am something special. I will not live in fear, but I will live with a dancing spirit, knowing who and whose I am.