wed-dang

so far the wedding planning has been going ok. although it feels like an uphill battle. i am a people pleaser, i know that. but it is hard when planning a wedding. i want to make everyone happy, but i still want this wedding to be a reflection of me and joe.

its frustrating when everyone is asking "what are you going to have for food?" "what are you going to wear?" etc. you get the idea yeah? well i must be a terrible bride. because i really dont care. i mean i care i do, but what i eat or dance to isn't as important to me as making a vow to joe and saying those words to the one my heart belongs to in front of God and my family and friends. that is what is important to me. everything else is just minor details. 

im excited to get married at a special place in God's Kingdom. It will be a day of all my favorite things. booya grandma.

restless

this whole week i have been feeling very restless.

unable to concentrate and unable to sleep.

i think something is going on. changes in my mind and spirit.

i am just so scared for the future. i dont know what i am called to do with my life and i feel like the time is rapidly approaching to figure it out. everyone tells me you have your whole life to figure it out. my mom is currently going to school to be a nurse after 25 years of cutting hair. 

money is always a stress in my life. i dont have any. i wish i did. i could if i wanted to. i could go back to working full time and going to school full time. then i would be a train wreck like i was when i was doing both of those things. 

i dont know how to shake this restless feeling. maybe i need to shake up my life a bit. i dont know. i just wish i had it all figured out. but i wont. 

i just need to quite worrying. its like sitting in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere. i just need to pray about it instead. my mom always tells me with should lift our hands in praise at least 10 times a day. and to be thankful for all the little things the Lord does for us. I think that is a good place to start. 

yesterday my mom called me. 

she said 

"dedra, (thats what my mom calls me) go outside and look at the sunset. isn't God awesome?! I am here in Alta Vista and you are in Des Moines and we can both see God's beauty."

not only can i see it, i can feel it.

i just need to start seeing my own beauty.

the beauty God has given me.

soar

so this weekend i spent some time with my best friend abby (babs as i call her) and her family.

we were on our way to pella to pick babs up when i saw TWO EAGLES! i couldnt believe it TWO of them!!!!

i love eagles, i know it sounds weird like some crazy biker chick that drinks lots of whiskey and has an eagle tattoo on her arm with a flag saying "god bless america"

but they just have a lot of representation with my faith and there is just something magical about them. something powerful. i find inspiration and hope from them.

i know i am over emotional, but i figure those two powerful birds as a sign. 

a sign that life is good. 

and i am not forgotten.

that i am 

loved.

adored.

chosen.

by the creator of this beautiful earth.

now that my friends is real truth and real inspiration.

it is my time to soar.