today it felt as if the world as never been so alive, and on the inside i feel dead. i feel spiritually and emotionally dead. for some reason i just have this burden of hopelessness on me today. i have no idea why, maybe it is because i was just starting to feel alive again and awake to my spirit. i also came up with this little number today, i am a really jealous person. most people have a problem admitting to things such as these but not me i guess. i am really jealous, when joe wants to spend more time with his friends and not with me, jealousy. even when other girls comment on his facebook or myspace, it creates jealousy. why? i dont know. i wish i did then i could get rid of it. because i trust joe, why does it matter, and it is so petty! and perhaps i am a drama queen, doing my thing and making nothing into something. i want to joe to have friends and i know that there are guys in my life that are the same way, why cant i just accept it and move on.
i want to transfer to grand view, i do not want to admit it to joe or too myself but i do want to go there. i want to spend everyday with joe, everyone says that we have the rest of our lives to be together, but i want the rest of my life to start now. i think it would be good for us and especially me, i can be me, its almost like i get yet another chance to reinvent myself. what a blessing.
lord i just pray that you take these burdens off of me. these feelings of hopelessness, jealousy, and everything else lord and replace it with feelings of peace, joy, love, and wisdom. God i long to be close to you. prepare my heart for this god, prepare my heart for this intimate relationship of you and me. may your love and peace pour down on me like rain.